I have been thinking a lot about New Year’s Resolutions the past few days, being somewhat bothered that I did not really have any. In years past, I have committed to becoming more organized (didn’t happen), losing weight (which I achieved), and various other things. I did not feel like making a resolution this year, because I feel like I barely survived 2015 and I can’t handle adding anything extra on my plate.
2015 had some amazing times, most noteably the birth of my 3rd son. There were also some difficult times. Experiencing a rough pregnancy, living in a new city, and then adjusting to a new family dynamic with three kids was very stressful for me. This pregnancy seemed to bring on one challenge after another: morning sickness, low iron & extreme fatigue, depression, anxiety, gestational diabeties, extra appointments, ultrasounds, and non-stress tests that took up a lot of time. I cried so often during my pregnancy thinking of having to endure it another day. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but the thought of how much longer I would have to wait until the baby came seemed too much. I would break down and say, “I can’t do this anymore!” I felt so awful most of the time. Accomplishing the smallest tasks required all my engery and strength. I recall during the first and second trimester having to work myself up to take a shower. I would lay in bed and bemoan all the effort the whole routine would take. Take off the clothes, get in, wash the body (and hair less frequently), dry off, redo deoderant and all that jazz, put clothes back on. How stupid and what a waste of time. But it had to be done. So, yeah. Months of that.
I don’t feel like I have handled the transition to having three kids very well. It is very overwhelming. Having a newborn is hard enough, and when you add in all the needs of the other two children and trying to help them still feel important and loved, coupled with sleep deprivation and trying to keep the house from imploding, it feels like too much to handle. It should be the happiest and greatest time in my life, but it’s just not. I know we will find a new normal eventually, but getting there is slow going.
I started trying to lose my extra baby weight by joining Weight Watchers again. It started off well but after a while all of the tracking and meticulous meal planning was stressing me out too much. Everything else took a back seat when I finally figured out that the baby had a tongue tie that needed revision and that we needed to make changes to his feeding schedule and methods. I had to take a break. Things are (thankfully) getting better. But I feel no desire to set a weight loss goal this year.
I saw a friend post this on facebook, and I feel that it is the perfect summary of what I want to do this year. I need to take care of myself in a myriad of ways. But I have to do it in a way that will be an uplifting and positive force in my life instead of a source of constant stress. So this will be my mantra:
My biggest goal for this year- treat myself well.
Enjoy my body for what it is and buy it clothes for the size it is, not what I think I will be.
Exercise to keep it working properly , but don’t try and go overboard and NEVER use working out as a way to lose weight, just to treat myself well.
Eat good healthy food to treat myself well, but also eat treats and cake and cookies without guilt, because they are treats and gosh darn it I deserve to “treat myself” well and buy myself some good chocolate and not have to share.
There are other goals, but this one is the most important.
I also acknowledge the need to nourish myself spirtually as well, and I will apply the same theme for that as well. I will things that will be treating my spirit well. Seek and find peace, comfort, and strength. Seek counsel in the areas in which I struggle. Recognize that imperfection is normal and that Jesus Christ has given me the gift of grace that can make me whole. I am so grateful for that.
This year I want to focus on appreciating what I have. Every day that I have a good day, I recognize that things are good. And I don’t want to ever take that for granted again. Because I really know what it feels like to feel NOT good for an extended period of time. I want to appreciate my body and my health. I still have bad days, but they are becoming fewer and fewer. I am able to appreciate my life, my children, and my husband more and more. And that really is a gift.